Okay, I'm not going to lie. Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my mexican adventure thus far. I am not quite sure what set it off, but I was feeling super sad and missing family and friends from home. After skyping with Wes, I was SOOO emotional and as I walked to school cried the whole way there. It was actually quite liberating feeling... no one knows me, I didn't have to justify why I was crying to anyone, I just felt... the whole way to school ahha. I had the opportunity to talk with a few of the girls here and they just gave me huge hugs and encouraged me SO much. I am so thankful for them! I am in the middle of reading Passion & Purity by Elizabeth Elliot (a story of her relationship with Jim Elliot, and their experiences before he was killed). Each time I read it God speaks to me in profound ways. Yesterday the chapter was "What to Do With Loneliness". Perfect, exactly what I needed to hear. She recounts a letter sent to her by a school teacher who is struggling with the absence of her husband because of his job situation, and encourages her with a few pieces of advice. The first was... BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD. "Use the stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge." This was so extremely pertinent to me because I had been struggling with the idea of sitting quietly before the Lord. As you all know, I love to talk. And talk. And talk. THEREFORE, silence is not something that feels or comes naturally to me. I love processing my feelings outloud with people, journaling about them, or using music to process them. None of these things involve sitting quietly. So, I have resolved to try it. Today I came home from class and no one was home. So I took my journal, Jesus te llama, and my bible outside to the patio. For the first few minutes, I sat quietly and let my mind focus on the first thing that popped into it, which of course was a song, Forever Reign to be exact. I let the lyrics flow freely through my head and tried to meditate on their meaning for me right now. "You are Lord, you are Lord, all creation will proclaim, YOU ARE HERE, YOU ARE HERE, in your presence I'm MADE WHOLE, you are God, you are God, of all else I'M LETTING GO. And Oh, I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms, the riches of your love, will always be enough, nothing compares to your embrace, light of the world FOREVER REIGN."
Another piece of advice Elizabeth gave was to Give thanks. "This loneliness itself, which seems a weight, will be FAR OUTWEIGHED BY GLORY!!!" And you will never guess what verse was in Jesus calling today.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the GLORY THAT WILL BE REVEALED IN US. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed."
He also showed me Isaiah 61 (which made me think immediately of my sweet friends David Dry and Sara Reinis). "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisioners. . . I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness." (61:1,10)
Basically, God is so good. He continues to encourage me in ways that are SO powerful. Yes, he did call me out on this adventure, and it is by far the hardest, most humbling and challenging thing I have ever done. BUT, he did not send me out alone. He promised to be with me in every second of every day that I am away. Everyday I grow to love him more. What a blessing it is to be redeemed by the creator of the world and to get to devote my life to serving him and his people. What more would be worthy of my attention and sacrifice!?
Thank you for your prayers. They are definitely felt and appreciated! I cannot wait to share more with you!